5 Ways To Spark Passion In Your Long-Term Relationship - mindbodygreen
Everyone knows relationships are hard, and take effort to maintain, in New York City, told Business Insider that the decline of passion in a. Thus, being “in love” – what some might call passion or chemistry – is not necessarily Successful writers run cold, and are forced to find new careers. It's easy. I feel like this new guy could really be a lasting relationship and and who will without a doubt inspire passion and strong attraction in you.
You can read about me hereperuse the archives here and read popular posts here. You can also follow along on Facebook and Instagram. He seems genuine, likes me a lot, tells me often how he feels. He has a steady job, comes from a good family, has a close circle of friends, takes care of himself, works out, eats healthy.
Plus, he enjoys spending time with me. At my age I am really ready to meet the right man and settle down. I do have other areas in my life that are full: But I want the relationship part of my life to finally come together and to start a family. So should I not be looking for someone I feel interest and desire for? Should I stick it out longer and see if my feelings grow over time?
There was nothing wrong with him or the relationship, per se — he was thoughtful, caring, kind, generous, funny, and intelligent. I started imagining what a serious relationship might be like with someone I felt something more for. Eventually, I even started having nausea and anxiety at the thought of marrying him. In short, my relationship with my boyfriend had fizzled, and become more of a friendship than a romantic partnership to me.
I struggled for months with the decision to end it because there was nothing wrong with him or the relationship! This bond is formed when sincere feelings of love, respect, and attraction are replaced with imaginings of security, connectedness and protection. Though these may all seem like positive attributes of an intimate relationship, placing a priority on form over substance is a key destroyer of any close relationship. People who engage in a fantasy bond value routine over spontaneity and safety over passion.
They go through the motions of being together or involved but without bringing the energy, independence, and affection that once colored their relationship. The risk in fusing our identity with another person is that we often lose the respect and attraction we once held for that person.
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We also stand to lose ourselves in the relationship, rather than maintaining the unique qualities that gave us confidence and drew our partners to us in the first place.
When couples lose these real feelings for each other, rather than challenging destructive patterns in their relating, they tend to either throw away the relationship or sink deeper into fantasy for fear of losing each other or being alone. The good news is these feelings of excitement can be restored. Fantasy bonds exist on a continuum. Some couples are deeper into fantasy than others.
Most people fluctuate between moments of being truly close and moments of substituting fantasy for real love.
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By recognizing the degree to which you engage in a fantasy connection as opposed to a sincere form of relating, you can challenge negative habits and patterns, and experience new and exciting stages of your relationship. On March 20, I will be hosting a CE Webinar on The Fantasy Bond, which will present a model for an ideal relationship that combines emotional closeness and sexual intimacy, while each partner maintains a differentiated and individuated sense of self.
In the meantime, here are a few key ways to identify if you are in a fantasy bond and how you and your partner can go about changing it. Loss of Physical Attraction — When we form a fantasy of fusion with another person, we tend to eventually lose some of our physical attraction to that person.
Relying on someone to take care of us or looking to them to complete us puts a heavy burden on our relationship. When we view our partners as the independent and attractive individuals they are, we can keep a fresh level of excitement and affection for them.
Rather than driving us apart, this separateness actually allows us to feel our attractions and choose to be together. Think about the state people are in when they first fall in love. They are drawn to each other based on their unique attributes. Their individuality is viewed with interest and respect, qualities we should aim to maintain even decades after being with someone romantically.
Letting yourself go physically or mentally — When we reach a level of comfort in a relationship, we may tend to care a little less about how we look and how we take care of ourselves. We may be more likely to act out without regard or consideration for the ways we not only hurt our partners but ourselves. We may gain weight or engage in unhealthy habits, drinking more or exercising less.
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They are often ways of protecting ourselves from sustained closeness. They often serve to shatter our self-esteem and push our partners away. They also tend to have a deadening effect on our relationship, weakening our confidence and vitality. Failing to share activities — Early on in our relationships, we are often our most open, excited to try new things and share new adventures. As we fall into routine, we often resist novel experiences.